Seven (or so) Questions...Gab Gabs

Happy Birthday to the gabblog! I never thought I could have so much fun with my computer and I never knew there were so many cool people hiding inside. Thanks to Mom, Stie, Annajo, Min and Nim for inviting me to join your exclusive cyber-club. You were right...I love it!

I am happy to announce the winners of my give-away. The lucky lady in my "family blog circle" is my cute Aunt Jolyn, AKA Mama Jo. And Katie of Boyz n the Hood won my cyber-friend drawing! Congrats, ladies. Check your mailbox in the next few days...

I wanted to post something special today and thought I'd do a "gabtalk" interview in reverse.

What would someone who has never met ME want to know? What could possibly be interesting about a suburban housewife? And, would anyone else even care?

Celia graciously agreed to play the Barbara Walters part and came up with some great questions (I knew she would!) and I had fun posting my answers.

I look soooo much better in Sepia!

Here are my blogiversary thoughts...

1. You are an inspirational writer. How do you cope with the pressure to continue to write well? Do you ever post something and think, oh no, that was terrible and then people like it? Have you ever wanted to pursue writing as a career?
Who me? I have always loved to write--journals, letters, talks for church, research papers, funny poems--but never considered myself a writer at all. I am mostly a reader. Blogging has been a fun new creative outlet for me and the first time I've written for an audience. I love getting feedback and never feel pressure because I choose the subject, the deadline and the format. I just try to write something I'd enjoy reading myself.

A few years ago, when I was struggling terrifically with my life, I really wished for a "You've-Just-Had-Twins-And-Your-Oldest-Child-Is-Autistic-And-Your-Husband-Always-Travels-And-Your-Family-Is-A-Million-Miles-Away Handbook." Maybe that is the book I'll write someday! Think it'll sell?

2. What are you most proud of as a mother? What do you wish you did better?
I am just proud to be a mother. I was told at age 25 that I would never have children. Talk about a death sentence... I wanted to curl up and die. I had to climb out of that hole and build my family my own way. I fought and prayed and struggled for each of my children. I still do.

That said, there are SO many many ways I wish I were better. I lose patience too often. I worry that I spoil them. Or that I yell too much. I feel guilt whenever they eat Happy Meals or watch cartoons. I worry that I'm missing teaching moments, that I'm stressing too much about little details that don't matter, that I'm stifling their creativity. And don't even get me started on their dental health...

3. How do you think experiencing infertility makes you different as a mom? Do you keep in touch with the birth mothers of Emily and Jake? Is it weird? When you wanted more children after them, why didn't you adopt again? Do you believe that Emily and Jake, and also the twins, were sent to you specifically or did you just get lucky? What advice do you have for those who are struggling with infertility?

I think going through infertility helps you recognize each child is a gift, not a given. Also, I am not in such a rush to have my children grow up. Infertility gave me a long-term life perspective, which (sometimes) helps me be more patient. An added bonus-- most friends my age have kids that are older...so I learn from them and their experiences.

We do send yearly letters and photos to our birthmoms through the adoption agency and hear from them semi-regularly and it's not weird. I enjoy correspoding with these women. I met both of them at our adoption placements and can honestly say that I love them and pray for their happiness. They have given me the greatest of gifts and I hope to meet them again when my kids are grown. Hopefully, we'll be able to congratulate each other on a job well done!

We had great experience with our adoptions and had submitted paperwork for a third baby. However, we had been warned that once a couple has two children and are over 30, they are less likely to be selected. A good friend at my gym recommended her fertillity clinic and (although I swore I'd NEVER do it again) we decided to give IVF one last shot....pun intended.

We kept it a big secret--only told a very few people we were even trying. None of our family knew. When we got the positive result, we were blown away. And we had planned trips home, so we got to surprise our families in person! Then, a few weeks later we found saw TWO heartbeats! Complete shock. (Really, the subtitle of my blog should be "Be Careful What You Pray For"... because my life is all about miracles.)

The whole time I was pregnant I felt like a complete fraud. I had wanted for so long to be with child. I could not believe I had not just one, but TWO babies in there. The whole experience was surreal (unfortunately, the nausea and vomiting were not)!

I wondered if I would love biological children more than my adopted kids. But anyone who has experienced this will tell you there is no quantifying when it comes to motherlove. I do have a different love for Jake than I do for Emily and a unique love for Sam and still another tailor-made love just for Luke. Each of my children holds a different place in my heart. I suspect this is true for all moms, shared DNA or not.

My four little miracles

I have lots of advice for women struggling with infertility--don't blame yourself, take time to grieve, switch doctors if you don't like yours, stay connected with friends and family, look outside yourself for opportunities to serve and be with others, pray a lot. Mainly, listen to that inner voice...you will know if it is the right time to pursue aggressive treatment, to look into adoption or to just take a break. Hang in there. It will be ok.

4. What is it like to live far from your mom? Do you think you'll ever return to Utah? Do you have real live girlfriends, and are they LDS? Does it make a difference?

Precious time with my mom and sisters

When I moved away ten years ago, I thought we were just having a little adventure. I never expected that we would actually put down roots and settle on the East Coast. I love it here, but I do miss my family terribly. That is the whole reason I started blogging, to keep in touch and share day-to-day moments with loved ones far away. I don't know if we'll ever live out West again, but technology, thankfully, helps me feel closer to them.

I couldn't have survived without my real life friends--my church friends, gym buddies, moms with special needs kids, playgroup pals, bookclub members and sweet neighbors. They have become my family in a very real sense. They have shared recipes, baby clothes, furniture, babysitting, books, secrets, advice, hugs and tears. I wish that some of them would start blogging so we could post embarassing photos of one another, but alas...

Many of my friends are Mormon, since we spend a lot of time involved with our church activities and responsibilities. But a lot of my friends are not. I hope it doesn't make a big difference. My Jewish and Catholic friends probably think I am a little bit weird. But my LDS friends probably think I am a little bit weird. And my family definitely thinks I am a little bit weird.

The truth is, I am just a little bit weird. Thanks for liking me anyway!

Seven Questions...Keepin' It Real

If you have not yet met Celia and read her hilarious spin on life, you are completely missing out! Her blog is one of the first stops on my daily round. I've loved her from the beginning because:

Our husbands could be twins.

She is my same age (ancient among bloggers)!

Her writing is real and really really funny.

Celia is wildly blog-popular. I think the reason she has such a following is because, aside from being a great writer and spot-on social commentator, Celia is completely comfortable in her own skin. She hates decorating! She hates dieting! She doesn't try to cover up an unsightly blemish...she takes a photo and blogs about it! Everyone can relate to Celia and everyone wants to be her friend.


In a world full of phonies, an authentic woman is hard to find. Here are Celia's real thoughts on real life...

1. You have a talent for seeing the fun and funny in day-to-day reality...driving your kids to school, sitting through church meetings, eating at Panera bread. Is this a conscious choice or do you just think "real" life is fun?
A timely question. My friend, Brigitta, left a comment on one of my weekly journal posts. She said that she had spent much of the week with me but it seems much more amusing when I write about it. It's true. It was a boring week. So I guess the answer to that question is that finding the funny is a conscious choice. Blogging has really helped me have a positive attitude, though. I think all bloggers have had those moments when something crummy happens and they think, "Well, at least I can blog about it!"

2. Why do you think women so often put on a phony front? How do you find "real" friends?
I think people put on a phony front for a few reasons. First, maybe they don't know who they really are. Second, they are afraid that they will be known and not loved. Third, they aren't thinking, they are only doing. I can tell pretty quickly following a conversation who is going to be a "real" friend just by the things they say. It's funny, I'm wary of anyone who overshares at the beginning, but I am also bored with someone who can't talk about real life. There is a happy medium, and usually it takes a little work and a lot of trust to get there.

3. Is your husband really your bishop? Do you find it difficult to be your real self while he leads your entire congregation?
This is the easiest question. No, thankfully, my husband is not my bishop. He's in the bishopric. We're hoping his leadership run will soon be over for awhile, and I'm a little trunky. He hasn't sat with us in Sacrament meeting or been with us on Sunday morning since Max was seven. He's thirteen now. I'm over it and ready for some help.
It used to make me cringe that people thought I represented my husband. I'm pretty sure no one thinks that anymore. Everyone who knows us knows that we have very different personalities. He is a rule follower and has a lot of restraint, at least in public. I'm the opposite, obviously.

4. I love the fun relationships you seem to have with all of your sisters. They probably know the "real Celia" better than any of us. What secrets would your sisters tell us about you?
I'm wracking my brain for some secrets. It seems like my life is an open book. Maybe they would tell you I was bossy. Perhaps they would tell you that I tend to tell "apocryphal" stories, that is, stories with embellishments. I'm sure they would tell you I wear ugly shoes. I don't know if they could tell you how much I cherish the sister relationships I have because we don't talk like that in our family.

5. Name your real-and-true favorite...
Color: mostly blue with a little pink and green.
Food: Breakfast: plain Cheerios, sugar and milk.
Lunch: sandwich from Safeway Deli called the Chicago South Sider. Crusty roll, roast beef, onions, tomatoes, lettuce with horseradish sauce.. Yum.
Dinner: Something fancy that I can't make myself, like sushi or fish.
Dessert: flourless chocolate cake.
Vacation spot: My parents had a house on Kauai. Going there was idyllic and heavenly or crowded and expensive.
Novel: Must I choose one?

6. Who are the three women you admire most in your real life? What have you learned from them?
I had to think hard about this. The first woman is my old best friend, Shauna. She moved to Utah last year. She taught me how to face my problems directly instead of avoiding them. The second woman is a woman from my ward growing up, Shanna Parmley. She is married to a muckety-muck high up church guy but she isn't holier than thou. She is funny and friendly and clever without being offensive. I would be remiss if I didn't mention my own mother. She taught me how to enjoy my children and that being a stay at home mom is the best job ever.

7. As your daughters grow, what do you hope to teach them about becoming "real" women?
Watching my daughter, Claire, who is ten, approach adolescence is one of the hardest things I've had to do so far. It triggers many of my own emotions and I really don't want to project my experience onto hers. I guess I can help her be "real" by validating her experiences.

Thanks so much, Celia! You are a true friend...

Warning: Groundhog Day with Celia Fae is highly addictive, with dangerous side effects.

Do not click over unless your bladder is completely empty and you have at least an hour to spare.

p.s. Celia is such a "real friend"--she put on her own Gabtalk interview and asked yours truly a few probing questions.

They will be featured Monday, March 10th for my special Blogiversary Post! Tune in...

The Golden Shoe Award

Under a pile of pastel eggs and a sprinkling of plastic grass, I found my all time favorite Easter book. I like this one so much I have two copies in the house--one for upstairs and one for down! It's an old book (written in the 1930's I think) and I remember loving the old-fashioned pictures and happy Easter story as a little girl.

Now that I am reading it to my own children, I find myself identifying very much with the Little Country Bunny who gave up her dream of becoming an Easter Bunny so she could raise a family. I want to be as swift and kind and wise as she because, if you've read the book you know, she single-handedly raises 21 children, trains them to do all the housework, and be polite and obedient to boot.

After years of motherhood, the Country Bunny is given another opportunity to become an Easter Bunny and she wins the position, thanks to the wisdom, speed and kindness she developed in her home. Her children capably run the household so she can bring Easter happiness to children all over the world, including one very sick little boy. It is a difficult job, but she climbs the highest of mountains and even earns a magical pair of tiny gold shoes! Delightful.

On a whim the other day, I bought two inexpensive copies of this book and wrapped them up to give to two mothers I think are deserving of their own Golden Shoe Award.

The first one is for a dear friend at church who has a houseful of little ones and a husband with a long commute. Yet she somehow manages to bring me dinner, serve others with a smile and raise a bunch of bunnies who are polite and obedient to boot!

The other winner is my neighbor, who is leaving for China next week to bring home a 3 year old girl with a cleft palate and a broken leg. This little girl will not only be given the gift of two loving and generous parents, but six older siblings (including two from China!) and a lifetime of opportunities.

It's nice to know that kind, swift and wise mothers aren't just living in storybooks.

Multiple Choice

Read the following story problem, choose the best solution.

You are alone with your four children while your husband travels on a 9-day business trip. The day he leaves: the washing machine begins making a strange clinking noise, the maintenance light in your car starts blinking, child #3 suddenly has a cough and runny nose, strong spring storms are in the five-day forecast, and your gastroenterologist recommends you not consume chocolate or carbonation for six weeks (!) as you recover from minor throat-stretching surgery.

Which is most likely to occur?

a. Soap suds all over the laundry room floor.
b. An exciting date with both the pediatrician and the car dealership service department.
c. Flooding in the basement.
d. A late-night run to the 7-11 for large quantities of chocolate and carbonation.
e. All of the above.

Soap Bubble Wisdom

"Oh, wow! I almost didn't recognize you without your twins," says an acquaintance at the gym. For so long I have been the lady with the double stroller, the overflowing diaper bag, you boys and your noise. I've taken you for granted and assumed you were forever.

But now that you don't need the diapers or the stroller, I'm beginning to realize that our moments together are as fragile and fleeting as shiny soap bubbles. And that, without you, I am unrecognizable.

Celebrate

Thanks to everyone for your celebration suggestions. My first blogiversary is a week from today. I've decided to mark it in a few fun ways...

Gabblog Giveaway! (Folks, please remember I do NOT craft. But I do give good presents. ) Anyone who comments on my blog in the next seven days is automatically entered in the prize drawing. I will have two prizes--one for a family member, since my family is the whole reason I started this blog--and the other for some lucky cybersister (or cyberbro...if I have any) to enjoy.

I have a special edition of "Gabtalk" planned for March 10. Watch for it!

I will put a few links at the bottom of this post for those of you who may have missed some of my favorites.

Mostly, thank you for reading my blog, being my friends, composing witty comments, admitting you are related to me and saying that pictures of my children are adorable. It's been a great year!

Click to see:

• my first ever post


• my "happily ever after" love story (this one's for you, Lauren!)


• my wedding photos (circa 1990)


• my all-time favorite post

Seven Questions...Spinning Straw into Gold

All right. I know I have already posted ad nauseam about my adorable youngest sister. I just can't help it! In some ways Marta is my firstborn child. Except better. My mom and dad did all the hard work and I just get to beam with pride at all her accomplishments.

There are a million things I love about her, but one of the best things about Min is the way she can turn something simple into something so beautiful. The way she chooses to live life so elegantly.

Living in a small space with a law-school-student husband has not gotten Marta down. She has not put her entertaining, memory-making, gift-giving days on hold until she has the perfect Pottery Barn bungalow or the Bloomingdale's budget. Marta uses creative flair to personalize everything she touches--from baby showers to birthday presents. And she does it all without breaking the bank. Love it!

Here are Min's thoughts on making something from nothing (or at least not much)...



1. You have a way of working magic on a shoestring. What are your favorite cheap tricks for decorating and entertaining?

I think the details are what matter and they take more time than they do money. I like spending extra time and effort on an invitation because it is a simple way to set the mood and get everyone excited.

I also think party banners are super fun. I print out big letters in a fancy font, glue them on cardstock and cut out in squares, string the squares with pretty ribbon and hang the banner near the buffet table.

I love to make trifle which looks pretty in a footed bowl or individual fancy glasses, it feeds a lot and is simple: layers of jello and whipped cream and angel food cake.



Also fresh flowers in a small square vase can be cheap and lovely, just go with all one color to create a nice color theme.

And when I'm in a bind, I always borrow fancy table cloths or silverware from my mother-in-law.

Sometimes I get caught up thinking my place isn't big enough, cute enough or worthy for a party.. but really it's just fun to have an excuse to get together and chat! I have found that even if a drop-in guest comes unannounced, a pretty bowl full of M&M's sitting on your coffee table is irresistible and makes guests feel right at home. And will hopefully distract them from the dishes in your sink. (p.s. That is my rule number uno about hosting a party. No one wants to see the hostess scrubbing the dishes while everyone else plays charades. Enjoy the party while the party is going, the guests are there and the music is playing. Deal with the dishes tomorrow.)

2. Where are your favorite (cheap) places to shop for cute gifts?

a. TJ Maxx has the best soaps, bubble bath, bags, jewelry etc. I stock my gift shelf with goodies from there.
b. Target. I can always find fabulous things in the dollar aisle.
c. The Sale Table at Anthropologie or Sale Rack at J Crew
d. Consignment Shops often have cute random things.
e. I love giving note cards from my local Stationery Shop.
f. My latest craze is this: buy a pound of Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Bears, pour them into a cellophane bag (be sure to taste one or two) and tie it all up with a gorgeous silk ribbon and tag. Gorgeous ribbon is important to have on hand. It can make anything look a wee more lavish.

3. OK...It's crunch time...you have a friend with a birthday and no time to shop. How do you pull something special out of thin air?

a. One of my favorite things to give someone is an accordion book of photos.
b. I often keep blank sketch books on hand, write a quote on each page and give it to someone for a journal.
c. I like making homemade goodies for someone and including the recipe. Martha Stewart has an awesome Bath Salt Recipe that can be thrown together with simple ingredients from the pantry.
d. I think giving someone your most favorite book, all underlined and dog-earred is a thoughtful expression. Dust it off, wrap it in delicious paper and say something like 'Since you're my favorite friend, I knew you'd like my favorite book. Relax and read in the bath like a Birthday Queen should!'

4. What are the five craft supplies you cannot live without?


a. My Rototrim Paper Cutter. I used to cut everything with my trusty xacto knife. Fortunately I've moved on. I am a little obsessed with making sure my paper gets cut straight.
b. A drawer full of Ribbon and a spool of Baker's twine. I love solid silk colors, but polka dot, rickrack and argyle ribbons are oh so charming.
c. A Bone Folder and Self Healing Mat. For a sharp and professional crease in your papers and a steady surface for writing and crafting.
d. Hole Punch. I love my hole punch and use it every day. It's the typical, old school silver one that is sold at every grocery store in town. I find the new frilly ones over-rated.
e. A favorite pen. Find a pen that you love to write with. (Mine is Pilot .007 fine tip. I also love the handy mini sharpies that for 99 cents can easily float in every purse.) You'll find yourself writing more often, in your journal, on your grocery list, in thank you notes. If you don't like your pen, you won't like to write. If you can't stand your handwriting, practice until you do. Your children, your lover, and your friends will always like to read things written in your own hand.

5. Your line of journals, cards, gift-tags and other paper goodies are delightful! Where do you get your inspiration?

I love to shop for paperie and mix and match patterns and find reasons to give handmade gifts. I find inspiration in photography, in art, in words, in the way people can find happiness in the small things. I like to think that my mini diaries celebrate the details that matter. If you don't jot them down and capture them, you lose them. I am always forgetting my most fantastic and hilarious dreams. I need to put a notebook right by my bedside, so I can re-visit them, like I do with past memories written in journals.

6. I love the way you "recycle" found objects (like magazine pictures) to make something new and beautiful. What other ways do you like to make something old new again?

I always save matchbooks and have them hanging up in a framed collection. They remind me of fancy special occasions and trips abroad. I like to use old maps for wrapping paper or for covering a regular cork board. I also rip out pages of antique (cheap) books for framing or collage projects. I save ticket stubs, cool postcards, business cards, and coasters that have great design elements for further design inspiration. I save beautiful invitations and party ideas and great quotes and stick them in binders for future use.

I have created books out of newsprint and note cards out of old Vogue magazines. The possibilities are endless when you start saving things that look interesting. I save all these goods in archival linen boxes until the day comes when I want to start a project, then I dump the contents out and begin hunting for the perfect thing. I'm always happy to have saved it.

It is a combination of creating something from the past and enjoying the passion of making stuff with my own two hands in the present and reaping the benefits from an original creation in the future.

7. You and your husband are the epitome of romance. What are your favorite cheap dates?

Two words: Barnes + Noble.
I love to sit with a stack of magazines on my lap and sip cocoa and enjoy the wealth of words and fashion and ideas with quiet company. Dan usually reads ski mags or some thick history book, but I always show him what adorn my pages too. Because he always has a funny comment to go along with it. Like, 'That outfit would so not go over in real life.' or 'Don't ever buy me that.' or 'Who's ever heard of that guy?'

I also love grabbing cheap greasy food and running to a good movie. He prefers walks together over anything else. If we simply turn off the tv, the cell phone, the computer and make dinner together, it's always a fun evening.

Just being present in the moment is what really matters. I write him random happy emails and he gives me sweet surprising compliments on the fly.

I always try to remember, it is better to hear a list of things I love about him rather than the weekly list of groceries I need.

We are happy because we are the best of friends. I heard a quote that fits perfectly to what I try to keep in mind, "Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." - Robert Heinlein

Thanks, Marta! Wishing you much more beautiful happiness!

And on top of all this, she writes so lyrically! Check out Marta's blog or her online shop.

Father of my Children's Father

When you are shopping for a husband it is easy to get caught up in the superficial. The shiny car. The leather jacket. The smile that makes your stomach flip flop.

Distracting as these selling points may be, discriminating shoppers will remember to check under the hood. To look-- not just for a guy who drives a shiny car--but one who will make any car shine (...and change the oil and check the tires and remember to make the insurance payment).

A guy who may be willing to forgo the leather coat and make do with a nylon parka for a few years. Because he knows money in the bank feels better than any bomber jacket.

The smile, of course, must absolutely take your breath away. But it should be a gentle smile. One that appears quickly and often. A smile that is often accompanied by deep and contagious laughter.

Well, you know, I completely scored at the Hubby Mart. Got the car-fixin', money-savin', heart-stoppin' variety.

And how did he get that way?

Easy. He learned it all from his dad.

Papa with baby Luke 2004

I have the sweetest, most gentle and generous father-in-law. He taught his son to take care of cars and bills and a wife and kids. He passed on a very cute smile and an infectious laugh. And although he is a man of few words, his life speaks volumes.

Get well soon, Papa! We love you!