Friday, October 5, 2007

Making the Grade

Some of my long-time readers will remember that during the hazy, hot summer months, I did my fair share of complaining. In fact, you could say I was pretty anxious for school to start again.

Now we're into October, and the honeymoon is over. It's time to check in on the public school system and see how things are going.



You got it...report card time! Here goes...



TRANSPORTATION DEPT: C+
You have done a nice job getting my two elementary kids to two different schools on time. It was a bit of a rocky start, when my 8-year-old was getting on that bus at 8:00 am and not delivered home until 4:45 pm. Thanks for fixing that. I also appreciate the very cheerful bus driver, Bob, who compliments my lawn and lets me know if my lights are on. However, my son could have done without the big bite on his arm from his kindergarten seatmate, "Fang."



CAFETERIA: B
I appreciate the effort you put into feeding the masses. My kids especially enjoy the creative "theme" days. This month they are looking forward to "Wizard Day"...especially the banana wands. Unfortunately, they don't seem too excited to try the "Halloweenies" offered on the 31st. Thanks, anyway.



TEACHING STAFF: A+ B
The A is for my son's sweet, patient, positive Special Ed teacher. She deserves a raise, a company car, and a massage chair in her classroom.


The B goes to my daughter's long-term substitute. She is not the real teacher, but has done a fairly decent job starting the year off right. I have noticed she sometimes tends to yell. I don't appreciate other people yelling at my kids. They get enough of that at home.



OFFICE STAFF: C
You are organized and efficient, but can you at least pretend to enjoy young children and sympathize with their understandably-frazzled parents? Just a suggestion...



PTO BOARD: B
Thank you for planning the back-to-school picnic, the ice cream social, the pizza dinner and outdoor movie night. And why don't I just give you the PIN number for my checking account, then you can help yourselves to whatever funds you would like? That way I don't have to buy $10 rolls of gift wrap and $45 magazine subscriptions all year long! See? Win-win.



SCHEDULING: C-
Truly, I don't know if there is such a thing as scheduling superviser. But if there is, please ask him-- if it's not too much trouble--to please let my kids have PE on the same day, library on the same day, school store on the same day, soft pretzels on the same day, Johnny Appleseed awareness on the same day, spirit day on the same day, etc. etc.


Every morning I work myself into a tizzy, frantically hoping I have put the $1.50/library book/sliced-peeled-cored-red-apple/book order money/art smock/pirate hat in the appropriate backpack. Heaven forbid I put one kid in her "Wacky Wednesday" outfit, only to discover it was picture day at her school and why was her brother subjected to hair gel and a comb when everyone else wore mismatched shoes? I think you get my point.



SCHOOL NURSE: A
My daughter informed me yesterday that three girls in her class have lice. She also let me know that you checked her head with a stick. Thank you.



MUSIC DEPARTMENT: D
For your information, this grade would have been much higher, if you had not sent my son home with this....

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9 comments:

lainakay said...

Hilarious! Amen!

Rochelleht said...

You always make me laugh so hard! I love it! Yes, when people were commenting on my last blog entry about how happy I am, I thought, "These people have awful short memories! Do they not remember the constant whining of summer?"

Isn't that frantic last look through the backpack each morning such a drama? And since the boys go so early, it's a bit of a panic for me, but I make it each day. Truly a miracle. I know one of these days I'm going to wake up to the honking of an angry bus.

Marty: said...

By the time kid #7 made it through each school I was ready to blow it up. You make life with kids sound like so much fun! Your pain is our gain.

Bridget said...

That was so funny. I love the idea of just giving the school your pin number so they can just take what they need as opposed to buying wrapping paper you don't need. We have two shelves in a hall closet dedicated to wrapping paper!

mama jo said...

do your kids HAVE to win the wrapping paper or magazine selling contest? i had a few who tried...public school, for being free, is really expensive

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Ah, you've hit the "recorder" stage of life. We got the privledge of that last year. Somehow, though, our recorder has "myseriously" disappeared. Funny how that happens...

Anonymous said...

I LOVE reading your life. It's SO similar to mine. I have just bumped up to the teens area. Let me just give you a heads up...get a DURABLE vehilce, pillow, good book, ice box, your cell phone, and plenty of water and snacks...you will need it.....you'll be LIVING in the car. And when one of them starts driving lessons get a pair of REALLY dark glasses....you won't want to scare the driver with the freight in your eyes.

Celia Fae said...

It's clever posts like these that make me grateful I found you. Now I am going to be walking around grading everything for the next few days.

Recorders, saxophones, clarinets, and other poorly played instruments are relegated to outside or garage playtime. And they are especially grounded from the car!

Paige said...

I love this. I, too am overwhelmed by 3 kids in school, with the sharing, library books, field trips, helping in the classrooms, etc. And I refuse to sell ANYTHING. I'm glad I didn't enroll my 2 year old in preschool- I'd die if I had to remember to bring ONE MORE THING.

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