Some of my long-time readers will remember that during the hazy, hot summer months, I did my fair share of complaining. In fact, you could say I was pretty anxious for school to start again.
Now we're into October, and the honeymoon is over. It's time to check in on the public school system and see how things are going.
You got it...report card time! Here goes...
TRANSPORTATION DEPT: C+
You have done a nice job getting my two elementary kids to two different schools on time. It was a bit of a rocky start, when my 8-year-old was getting on that bus at 8:00 am and not delivered home until 4:45 pm. Thanks for fixing that. I also appreciate the very cheerful bus driver, Bob, who compliments my lawn and lets me know if my lights are on. However, my son could have done without the big bite on his arm from his kindergarten seatmate, "Fang."
I appreciate the effort you put into feeding the masses. My kids especially enjoy the creative "theme" days. This month they are looking forward to "Wizard Day"...especially the banana wands. Unfortunately, they don't seem too excited to try the "Halloweenies" offered on the 31st. Thanks, anyway.
TEACHING STAFF: A+ B
The A is for my son's sweet, patient, positive Special Ed teacher. She deserves a raise, a company car, and a massage chair in her classroom.
The B goes to my daughter's long-term substitute. She is not the real teacher, but has done a fairly decent job starting the year off right. I have noticed she sometimes tends to yell. I don't appreciate other people yelling at my kids. They get enough of that at home.
OFFICE STAFF: C
You are organized and efficient, but can you at least pretend to enjoy young children and sympathize with their understandably-frazzled parents? Just a suggestion...
PTO BOARD: B
Thank you for planning the back-to-school picnic, the ice cream social, the pizza dinner and outdoor movie night. And why don't I just give you the PIN number for my checking account, then you can help yourselves to whatever funds you would like? That way I don't have to buy $10 rolls of gift wrap and $45 magazine subscriptions all year long! See? Win-win.
Truly, I don't know if there is such a thing as scheduling superviser. But if there is, please ask him-- if it's not too much trouble--to please let my kids have PE on the same day, library on the same day, school store on the same day, soft pretzels on the same day, Johnny Appleseed awareness on the same day, spirit day on the same day, etc. etc.
Every morning I work myself into a tizzy, frantically hoping I have put the $1.50/library book/sliced-peeled-cored-red-apple/book order money/art smock/pirate hat in the appropriate backpack. Heaven forbid I put one kid in her "Wacky Wednesday" outfit, only to discover it was picture day at her school and why was her brother subjected to hair gel and a comb when everyone else wore mismatched shoes? I think you get my point.
SCHOOL NURSE: A
My daughter informed me yesterday that three girls in her class have lice. She also let me know that you checked her head with a stick. Thank you.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT: D
For your information, this grade would have been much higher, if you had not sent my son home with this....