Wednesday, February 11, 2009

State of the Family: Hair Report

True story: When I was 19 years old and engaged to be married, I went in to a new salon for a cut and style. For the entire duration of the appointment, my new stylist complained about my hair. The color, the texture, the length. (And you wonder why I have hair issues, people?!) It was humiliating. Clearly, the gal was in the wrong profession and, clearly, I left her a very tiny tip.

The final straw was the moment she asked about my fiance's hair. "I hope his is better than yours," she burbled. "Otherwise, I feel really sorry for your future kids."


Well, happily, I have driven past that quasi-salon on subsequent visits to Utah Valley and found it shut down. Surprise surprise! But, sometimes, I wish I could track down that stylist and introduce her to my four beautiful children and their delightful heads of hair.

Instead, today, I will share with all of you...

Jake has the best hair in the family, hands-down. Thick, blonde, cowlick-free. Of course, he shares none of my genetics, so I can brag without sounding vain. This week Jake got a flat-top and he is obsessed with it. He will do anything we ask if we promise to spike his hair afterward. Powerful parenting? Oh yes.



Em is equally blessed with good hair. But, in true female form, she already has a love-hate thing going with her golden locks. Loves to comb the front. Hates to comb the back. Em is in the in-between stage. Not long and not short. She sustains a few curling iron injuries every Sunday morning. I speak the words my mother spoke to me, "Beauty is pain." It's never to early for womanly wisdom.



Sam looks best with almost no hair. The Buzz cut works with his square jaw and broad shoulders.



On the other hand, the same cut makes his twin brother look slightly criminal. But hey! Luke likes it.



Brad's hair has improved with age. The grey at the temples works like natural highlights. It makes his face look even younger. But don't even think about using his hairbrush. He's territorial.
To achieve the glamorous 'do pictured above, follow these easy steps:


  1. Shampoo at 9:30 pm and blow-dry using overpriced spray mousse. Smile into mirror. You look great!
  2. Fall asleep immediately. Toss and turn. Drool, if possible.
  3. Wake up at 5:00 am, finger-comb and assume that Seminary students aren't really looking at you anyway.
  4. Survive morning mayhem.
  5. Work out. Sweat profusely.
  6. Since you're already out of the house, grocery shop-visit library-help at school-drop off preschoolers. (**Note: The funkier you look, the more people you will "run into.")
  7. Avoid mirrors after 4:00 pm.
  8. Rinse and repeat.

24 comments:

the MomBabe said...

I always tell my girl that if she doesn't brush it, I'll cut it off. Works like a charm.

Christie said...

I tell Hannah that beauty is pain, too.

It's so funny - McKay and Chase are just like Sam and Luke. Chase looks good in a buzz, McKay looks criminal (love your defining it. couldn't quite place my finger on the word - criminal is EXACTLY it). I have always been envious of your hair. You can blow dry in like five minutes!

Lindsey said...

What is it with the back of the hair??? Abby refuses to comb back there as well! It drives me bonkers. I keep her hair short because she DOES have terrible hair. (thanks to her GRANDMA) Oh well, she will have to learn to work with it!

Jenibelle said...

That is so true about running into people. I am sick tonight...throwing up, calling in absent tomorrow, gross, disgusting sick.

So, OF COURSE a friend I have not seen in forever knocks on the front door tonight and I look like hell. Not H*&%...I really look like HELL. I understand.

By the way, I would KILL to be a red head, I am jealous beyond words of redheads. I birthed one though.
Your hair is darling and a gorgeous, sumptious color. Lucky you.

Annemarie said...

Oh we lead glamorous lives don't we?!?

I think your hair is darling!!

gab said...

Christie--it takes LESS than five minutes to blowdry. I only have three strands!

Jeni--you think I'm a redhead?!

Kara Jayne said...

This is too good. My #3 child looks AWESOME with a buzz. His older brother...not so much.

We brainwash our children about their hair. Of course it's all true, but we want them to believe it too. For example:

Ella (thick gorgeous brown hair with a slight wave - just enough to give it body, hold curl, and straighten nicely)

Jack (Red. Need I say more. My husband grew up a red headed boy and didn't like it. We are determined to break that cycle. We tell him often how cool red hair is and how lucky he is. Now if I just could have had a girl with it too!)

Max (dirty blond, but with amazing wave and texture. I usually cut the boys hair, but the half a dozen times I've taken them in to get it cut the different stylists comment on how great it is)

Nora (dark brown with big loppy-is that a word? curls!!! We tell her everyday how much she loves curly hair because we know someday she will be crying about how unfair it is)

How's that for parenting...and commenting?

wenderful said...

Beauty is pain has been our mantra lately.
I love that you posted that picture of you. You are darling.

Robin said...

I think you are darling. Messy workout hair and all. And your husband is hunky.

diane said...

My mom said,"It hurts to be beautiful."

I love your hair color. It looks like you went a bit darker. I think it is great with your eyes.

Lauren in GA said...

Beauty is indeed, pain.

I love the buzz cuts on your boys. They look like handsome little boys you would see running around in the 50's. I think it is darling!

You always make me laugh. Loved the parting shot of, "rinse and repeat."

polly said...

I think you got aunt polly hair..if you are having a bad hair day, just put susie long leggs over your head and a bow around them and go..you'll look great! (if you haven't heard that story ask your mom)

queenieweenie said...

I love boys with buzzes...unfortunately, my boys look like they've just gone thru a round of chemo and get pitying looks when I give them one.

You sexy girl!

martha corinna said...

Your children do have beautiful hair. I love the golden locks!

I've always thought your hair looked very pretty. I can't believe that a stylist would criticize it, how unprofessional.

Stylists always complain about how much hair I have, but they tell me that I should feel lucky. I do, but it still goes in a pony tail, uncombed-a la Cruella Deville.

Jessica said...

HOW DO YOU ALWAYS COME UP WITH THESE AWESOME IDEAS FOR POSTS?!

One of these months, I'm just going to copy every post you've done for my family/blog--giving you all the credit, of course.

And I've always wanted to teach seminary, but I've never thought of the toll it would take on your hair...

Ilene said...

Sad but funny story about that hair stylist. Why do we sit and just take the insults?

We are learning Jackson looks good with a buzz and Thomas looks better with long hair. But I have them both buzzed because I am a lousy hair-doing mom. I hope Laura likes ponytails...

martha corinna said...

Gabi-
I went to my mailbox amid millions of snow flakes and was so excited to see the sweet book you sent. My children ripped open the package and insisted that I read it to them right away. Thank you for making my day beautiful!
I like you!

Rochelleht said...

Well, I always thought I hated my hair till I grew up. Now, it's not so bad. ;-) Maybe in a few years, it will come into it's own...

Jenibelle said...

Aren't you? I must be color blind or your pictures bring out red highlights! I coulda sworn you have auburny colored hair. Strike the whole comment....

andrea said...

i love how twin number two's mug shot was taken from behind bars.

mama jo said...

love the post..and love everyone's hair...just wait til your buzzed boys want their hair down their backs...i wish for those buzzes again..

Melissa-Mc said...

I am totally offended on your behalf by that rude stylist! You have great hair. If I don't take effort to style my hair, it is seriously a frizzball.

Melissa-Mc said...

PS Such a cute book. I like you.

Linsey said...

I've been away for awhile...life is getting in the way of recording it...but I want to say that I love your hair and for as long as I have "known" you have coveted it.

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