Monday, December 15, 2008

Five Reasons Why I Cannot Be Trusted Around Chocolate Today


  1. An entire morning spent at the pediatric dentist. The following words were used: Cavities. Overbite. Crossbite. Fillings. Orthodontia. Extractions. Return appointments. Payment Plans.

  2. A Christmas card from a long-lost friend and her photographic family. She looks good. Really good. Better-than-high-school good. Am I a Grinch to wish that Santa would bring her a big lump of cellulite and a double chin like the rest of us?

  3. Local law enforcement has decided that since my husband so enjoyed his Father's Day speeding ticket (delivered via wife), they would stop me AGAIN and send him another one. Merry Christmas, Babe!

  4. The November tickle in my throat has turned into a full-scale December cough. My bladder is taking it personally. 'Nuf said.

  5. Look at the calendar, people!

19 comments:

Melissa Walker said...

You know--I always hope that one day I might be the "look better than in high school" kind of girl--but the chocolate gets me too!

Bridget said...

Yeah, the people who really do look better with age should be shot. Then those of us who are normal will be the new good looking ones in that world.

Melissa-Mc said...

I think you need a little chocolate therapy right now.

Rochelleht said...

Blogging gold, baby!

Annemarie said...

It's as if you can read my mind...

Go to See's. Now.

Kara Jayne said...

Seriously...you are genius. I just love you...and I'm LOVING your Christmas card. You look fabulous!

andrea said...

gab. this was unbelievably funny. and all i can say about your long lost hot friend is WHAT-EVA. you looked GOOD in your card. G-O-O-D.

(spelled for emphasis, not because i thought you were unsure of the spelling)

hang in there, leadfoot.

Paige said...

Diapers. They work for jumping jacks too.

brooke said...

Delurking to say this post made me laugh out loud and so did the post you linked to about the traffic ticket. Nice work.

TravelinOma said...

Every October my mom made rum balls (using real rum) and rolled them in chocolate. Then she sealed them in a tin can wrapped in wax paper to "ripen" until Christmas. Throughout December I would catch her stashing her can back in the pantry after she had fortified herself. Maybe it's a tradition you should embrace.

Christie said...

The pediatric dental visit alone is at least worth a pound of chocolate. Then if you add to that the speeding ticket, annoyingly beautiful HS friend, and peeing when you cough...get yourself some chocolate and don't feel one.bit.bad.

Cathy said...

Hang in there, it gets better every year! Besides you are making all these wonderful memories!

Marci said...

Hey, your Christmas card made me feel the same way! It turned out beautiful! And I'm prety sure it made me reach for the chocolate (especially since I still haven't sent my cards out yet)! I am so grateful for you and your hilarous blog for allowing me to laugh a little at this stressful time of year.

i'm kelly said...

i think you deserve a piece or two... go for it.

Lauren in GA said...

You deserve all the chocolate you can find within a 10 mile radius...make that a 20 mile radius. And then go take a bath in steaming hot chocolate.

You are one great writer, though!

queenieweenie said...

Oh my....I needed that giggle today!

I'm quite sure your "better than in high school" friend doesn't enjoy her chocolate nearly as much as the rest of us!

Ilene said...

Actually those are legitimate reasons for eating chocolate. Eat away, my friend. I eat chocolate for far lamer reasons.

martha corinna said...

My baby takes serious offense if I eat chocolate. I've abstained and abstained, but when Norah's teacher tells me that she is failing math, I ate half a pan of peppermint bark brownies. Sorry Rosemary.
I say sooth yourself.

calibosmom said...

You can make your healthy eating goals in January. I'm absolutely certain that old friend is miserable.

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