Thursday, December 11, 2008

And I'd Quit Waxing Too...

If I were a Mama Bear:
  • I wouldn't be caught dead wearing spandex in a spin class.
  • Listening to NPR every morning would not make me depressed.
  • My cubs would not break into a mid-ride elevator fistfight because "It was my turn to push the button."
  • I wouldn't know that the Chipmunk Song is CD 1/Track 3 in my car stereo. (And I wouldn't know all the words either.)
  • There would be no OCD issues involving Christmas ribbon or gift tags.
  • Two words: NO LAUNDRY

If I were a Mama Bear:

I would lumber around in my shiny fur coat, eating everything in sight to get nice and fat for winter. Then I would snuggle down with Papa and the cubs, ignore the dirt on the floor and sleep until April. Upon waking, I would be pleasantly surprised to find Christmas over and all put away, daffodils blooming and my body weight down thirty percent.

Who says these girls are brutal? Sounds highly civilized to me!

20 comments:

martha corinna said...

Good one.

When I head out to run my errands I listen to the Diane Rehm show and then Radio West comes on after wards (LOVE Radio West, I know you don't get it out there). Coincidentally, toward the end of radio west I pick my children up from school, the teachers actually bring them to my car and load them in. Without fail, at least 50% of the time I am crying when they load the girls in. I'm sure there are some awesome conversations at that school about how Norah and Lulu's mom is a CRAZY bipolar woman. Now if I were a mama bear...

Christie said...

Yes, but you'd have to do your number two's out in the woods with no TP. And give birth without an epidural (also in the woods). And catch and eat raw fish from the stream. And...

Okay. I'll stop now. Still probably better to be a bear.

Lindsey said...

Highly civilized INDEED!!!

Lisa-Marie said...

No kidding!!!!

And Mamma bears get to growl at their cubs without feeling guilty!

Annemarie said...

Well done!

What IS it about deciding on ribbon & tags??? I have that same problem. Why do I care so much?

The bear scenario is sounding better and better.

wenderful said...

No laundry? I'm in!

Thanks for the cute card. Yours is on its way. :)

andrea said...

gab you are so funny sometimes it hurts. "and i'd quit waxing too..."

brilliant.

Rochelleht said...

That cracked me up. And then I read Christie's comment. Trying not to pee my pants.

If I were a bear, I wouldn't have to worry about that.

Lauren in GA said...

You are soooo good. It sounds highly civilized to me, too!

The Chipmunks sing to me upon request of the children, too. We really know how to *rock on* in the mini-van.

calibosmom said...

That's how we roll in New Hampshire. I curl up in a ball after Christmas and don't come out until April 1st.

Fact:Bears eat beats said...

That sounds pretty good to me!

Your Christmas card is adorable!!!

Hazen5 said...

The last comment was from me, not my husband!

diane said...

I understand. I'm a ribbon snob. I can't think about Christmas until the wedding is over.

Jenibelle said...

I am a mother bear. Don't come between me and my cubs! I don't wax either. AND I have been known to pee in the woods. And I have a layer of winter storage. I wouldn't be caught in a spin class, let alone with Spandex on. My vacum broke and I don't want to spend the money on a new one so I will ignore the dirt on my floor. Yep, I am a mother bear. If I could just get the long sleep and the weight loss in....

Cathy said...

I'll join you!

Ilene said...

I could so use some hibernating time right about now.

And the weight loss as well.

Robin said...

yeah, but you would have decaying meat breath. That is pretty stinky.

TravelinOma said...

There's probably a mama bear in the woods behind your house envying you. "Maybe I'd look like that if I went blonde and waxed. I might be skinny under all this!"

Bridget said...

The comments on this one are the best! I have nothing witty to add.

Cory and Becca said...

Hi I came across your blog and you are too funny! :) Merry Christmas!!

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