There needs to be some form of compensation for the mother whose 4-year-old notices, a little too late, that his oatmeal/blueberry breakfast is kicking in and proceeds to drop trou and make a poolside deposit-- in full sight of at least 85 other people. The mother who somehow manages to scoop it all up into her own personal beach towel, while hustling the oldest to the men's room with the offender, calming her other two delightedly disgusted children and apologizing profusely to the lifeguards as they disinfect the entire pool deck. The mother who pretends not to notice the shocked looks and whispers of E.Coli and Did you see? And all this as she is sucking in her stomach, wondering if last year's Lands End suit is honestly offering enough coverage from behind.
A Hallmark card is just not going to cut it.