Monday, August 18, 2008

Next Mother's Day I Better Get Something Really Good

Seriously.

There needs to be some form of compensation for the mother whose 4-year-old notices, a little too late, that his oatmeal/blueberry breakfast is kicking in and proceeds to drop trou and make a poolside deposit-- in full sight of at least 85 other people. The mother who somehow manages to scoop it all up into her own personal beach towel, while hustling the oldest to the men's room with the offender, calming her other two delightedly disgusted children and apologizing profusely to the lifeguards as they disinfect the entire pool deck. The mother who pretends not to notice the shocked looks and whispers of E.Coli and Did you see? And all this as she is sucking in her stomach, wondering if last year's Lands End suit is honestly offering enough coverage from behind.

Really.

A Hallmark card is just not going to cut it.

32 comments:

Annie said...

Oh, Gabi. It's important that you document these moments so that when he becomes the next Bill Gates he can set you up nicely.

I've had the same questions about my Land's End coverage of my end. I'm sure you were graceful and very yummy mummy about it.

Rochelleht said...

Oh, I love you!! I'm a mom who can understand, by golly! WOW! That is just a day that needs lots of presents at the end and you should not have to wait for May.

Annemarie said...

Oh man...you deserve BIG presents. BIG, HUGE, sparkley presents.
And I have no doubt that you looked FAB in your Lands End suit.

Christie said...

Oh. my. goodness.

Girlfriend, there is nothing that will make up for that. You have just taken the cake for motherhood embarrassing moments, topped only because you had to parade around in a bathing suit while carrying a towel full of you-know-what.

Might I suggest sugar cereals and donuts for breakfast? I hear they are much less full of fiber...

Bridget said...

Oh, Gabi! Wow. That really deserves a good gift. And please do not wait until May to reward yourself! Online shopping for yourself is very satisfying.

andrea said...

HOORAY FOR OATMEAL!

mostly that's what i take away from the story... that you are a good mother who feeds her children healthy meals. that's all that really matters.

because think what would have happened if you'd followed christie's advice... nothing "scoopable" would've appeared.

and i'm done now.

♥Shally said...

OH BOY.

Be grateful it wasn't IN the pool.

That happened to us.

They had to close the pool for a week.

We never went back...

TravelinOma said...

You deserve a medal of honor. I think you should leave the kids home when you go to get it.

Melissa-Mc said...

I think you deserve a "going back to school present" before May rolls around :)

Kara Jayne said...

Hey, props for giving them oatmeal.

lusciouschaos said...

Now this post if the defining definition between a blog and a journal.
This needs to be earmarked for the talk you give as he leaves on his mission.

Paige said...

WOW. And I would have run from it and stood on the side and wondered who let her kid "do" that. You are a star for picking it up.

Cathy said...

Oh the wonderful day in the life of a mother, a very good mother! Soon you will be able to sit back and silently enjoy another mother's "fun" experience in raising children! Best to you and I'd go for all you can get!

Jenibelle said...

I am totally with you on this one!! Rachel has done so many things that should humiliate me...but time brings laughter!!

You're wonderful.

Ilene said...

You'll do anything for a great present won't you?

Oh, I'm so sorry...

Jeanelle said...

My sister, her kids and I were at the beach in Hawaii & my sis and I are sitting on towels watching the kids down on the shoreline. Four year old Nathan says he has to go to the bathroom. My sister tells him to go in the ocean because the nearest bathroom is about 1/2 mile away. So obedient Nathan walks down to the shore, drops his shorts and goes - in full view of everyone on the crowded beach. I am covering my face and whispering loudly at my sister to go get him and Jen just kept pulling a "Paige" and saying "whose kid is that anyway???" Sigh. I'm sure your behind was the last thing anyone was even noticing, if that's any consolation. ;) Sorry about your um, crappy, day.

Lauralee said...

oh man.. yah, at least it wasn't IN the pool... we have had that happen.. so gross.. so sorry.. hope your gifts come big and early!

Tristan said...

I would be so mortified!! I think you handled it better than I would have!

Lauren in GA said...

You deserve a gift that requires a passport.

Pineapple Princess said...

Unlike "used" oatmeal, diamonds last forever. Wouldn't that be a great slogan? You could be their spokesperson.

Thanks for the laugh at your expense.

Bridget said...

Of course you can quote me. You are too kind. I am assuming you'll use this material for your seminary class? Those kids are SO lucky to have you for a teacher. Does my niece Emily get to be in your class?

lainakay said...

Oi! Gab, you deserve a gift long before Mother's Day! Go now, get something happy!

The Carson Family said...

That's one of those things that wasn't in the mommy brochure! But that this point what one more "poop" incident, right? Multiples sure can come up with creative ideas for such things.

Look at the bright side, now you can say "I've picked up your poop from a public pool, YOU BETTER COME HOME ON TIME!"

I am banking all my stories for the teen years.

wenderful said...

Wow, impressed that you remembered to 'suck it in'. I would've forgotten all about that and then later brooded and lamented that I should've remembered.

Jill said...

Hilarious! Mother's day should be 10x better than Christmas for heavens sake. I hope you get something more too!!

Marni said...

Oh...I feel for you! Diamonds... that's what I'm thinking! :)

Lorena said...

Gasp! Yeah, you better get a good Christmas, Easter, Birthday, Anniversary as well as Mother's Day.

But heck, at least now you have a great story!

calibosmom said...

May God bless you and keep you sane! I am so sorry but I am laughing so hard right now I can hardly type this. That's horrible but it sounds like you handled it very graciously-Land's End suit and all! This should make for an amazing Mother's Day, & CHristmas, & Easter, & Labor Day...

Mique (as in M-i-c-k-e-y) said...

oh.my.goodness....you are the woman. Can't wait to see what you get.

Marci said...

That is the funniest story I've heard in a long time! You are hilarious! I'm sure your suit gave you the coverage you needed. My nephew had a horrible incident happen all the way down the slide at McDonalds once. I was there, and will never forget it. I'm glad she recorded it for us to laugh about now on her blog (we didn't laugh too much when it happened - yuk!!)

You definitely handled that situation like a pro! I can't wait to hear what Mother's Day is going to offer you.

And seriously, you should write a book.

Meg said...

You just can't make stuff like that up!

Way to go momma! Way to save the day!☺

Karen said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!!! LOL!!! I feel for you. I am a mother of twin boys who will be 1 in a week...we haven't had any of those truely WONDERFUL experiences yet!!!! But thanks to your blog, I know look forward anxiously to all that awaits!

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