Saturday, November 10, 2007

Bedtime Story

If You Take a Preschooler to a Public Restroom
If you take a preschooler to a public restroom,
he's going to want to do it "by himseff."
When you let him go by himseff,
he'll probably touch every surface in the stall.
After he touches everything, he will realize he needs your help.
So he'll probably yell for you to come.
After you've helped him, he will want some "pwivacy".
When he's finished, he'll want some toilet paper.
He'll start flushing.
He might get carried away and flush everything he can find.
He may even end up flooding the floors as well!
When he's done, he'll probably be locked in the stall.
You'll have to coach him through the unlocking.
He'll finally crawl out along the sticky floor.
After he crawls out of the stall, he'll need to wash his hands.
So you'll lift him up to the sink.
He'll get so excited he'll want to turn the handle.
He'll use the cold and hot.
He'll pump the soap.
When the washing is finished, he'll want to dry his hands
with a paper towel.
When he looks for a paper towel, he might notice the paper towels are gone and he has to use the air dryer.
Looking at the air dryer will remind him that he's scared of loud noises.
So, he'll wipe his hands on his sticky sweatshirt.
After he dries his hands, he will want to hold yours and help open the heavy swinging door.
You'll walk out the door with him and pass the drinking fountain.
Looking at the drinking fountain will remind him that he's thirsty.
he'll ask for a drink of water.
And chances are if he asks for a drink of water,
he's soon going to need to go back to the restroom!

*Illustrated by Felicia Bond*
*"If You... "series by Laura Joffe Numeroff*
*Potty version original to the gabblog*


Marty said...

What a story--the perfect combination of adorable and gross. Just like a toddler!!! I can't wait to see them. I'll tend one while you take the other to the bathroom.

crystal said...

Oh heavens, ain't it the truth?!! Did you write this? You're hilarious! I will have to re-read this over & over.

Amanda said...

I love the "If you" series. What a great take off of it! I was laughing the whole way, because (like Crystal said) ain't that the truth!

Paige said...

Brilliant! Be grateful you get to use the potty. We're doing a lot of peeing in the panties here. It's easier to wash their hands than 10 pairs of pants a day.

Bridget said...

That is so funny!! We have both the If you bring a mouse to school and If you give a moose a muffin so I'm totally on board with you here. Public restrooms are SO not fun with kids.

Last week when I took my boys to the bathroom during church my three year old reminds me very loudly in the stall "Mom you have a BIG bum!!" Thanks.

Celia Fae said...

I will read this fable to my offspring and hope it deters them from touching anything gross. What a cute idea! I hate that mouse though. He is such trouble. He's on my list, just like Junie B.

Jessica said...

I don't know what you're talking kids calmly use the restroom twice a day, neatly and cleanly removing all bacteria from their hands and open the doors with their elbows. Do you want me to come teach yours?

Megan said...

So funny! I love this post. It is so true!

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Once again you leave me laughing here so early in the morning. Have fun with Oma. I think she should definitely get bathroom duty this week. That's YOUR vacation.

mama jo said...

sounds like you had a fun time recently...or is it everyday? don't worry, they will learn new tricks soon...

Rochelleht said...

You are too cute! I love it. Miss creativity!!

Yes, yes, I dread the public restroom with a toddler. Now everytime we go in, Grace says very loudly, "Mom, the toilet seat is dirty, right?" EVERY time.

Yes, Grace, it is.

Holly said...

Oh the horrors of the public potty and a little person! I'm always concerned too about the critical time between handwashing and actually getting out of the restroom without touching MORE stuff. You put a great spin on it though!

lainakay said...

Okay... can you be any more clever?!?

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