Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Advice

If you are taking your child to the ADHD doctor, in hopes that she will recommend a medication change, try the following:
  1. Leave at 7:30 a.m. and drive through one and a half hours' worth of rush hour traffic.
  2. Feed said child a sack breakfast in the car--strawberry cream cheese bagel, juice box, grapes...or other foods with high sugar content.
  3. Take two three-year-olds along, too. (The importance of this step cannot be overstated...if you don't have twins, borrow some!)
  4. Get lost at least once on your way to the medical complex.
  5. Make sure the doctor's office is on the second floor and that an elevator ride is required. Encourage children to fight over who pushes the outside button, who pushes the inside button and who gets to stand by the window.
  6. Enter the office in a fit of screams, shoves and general hysteria resulting from elevator escapades.
  7. Spend 10 minutes digging through your purse to find insurance card while your children fight exuberantly over waiting room toys. (Most helpful if the receptionist has no sense of humor and hates children.)
  8. Make three trips to the bathroom. Remember three-year-olds like to do things, "By myseff..." Don't allow too much extra time, or you will lose that desperate-sweaty-mother look before you see the doctor.
  9. Enter teeny, tiny examination room with all three children. If the room contains a small, kid-level sink and a computer accompanied by a rolling chair your job will be much easier.
  10. Graciously accept offer of gigantic tub of Legos. These will be very helpful in providing essential background noise as the children drop them from the tabletop onto the cold tile floor.
  11. Spend 30 seconds talking to the doctor. The rest of the appointment should be spent pulling children out of the sink, picking up fallen Legos and re-rolling the paper liner for the examining table.

Once you have completed the previous steps, the doctor will quickly give you the desired Rx for increased meds. She may even throw in a 30-day free sample if one of the children is willing to make animal sounds and start thumping his siblings with the "reflex hammer."

See? Mission accomplished...

*Note: Next time, try bursting into tears mid-way through the appointment. She may throw in a little "bonus" prescription for you!

13 comments:

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

I'll have to remember that when I take Josh in for his next appointment. Very helpful information, indeed.

Marty: said...

Actually this post reminded me of taking Josh to the pediatrician. He would crawl in and out of the cupboard, dump the little jar of sterilized glass thermometers on the floor, and scream like he'd had his hand cut off whenever he saw that mean nurse. I did break down in tears a couple of times and Dr. Newton patted my shoulder and sent the nurse in to shoot Josh in the behind. I hope the new Rx was worth the trouble!

Bridget said...

I love the fits, screams and general hysteria. I can so picture the scene. We've experienced it too many times. Although fortunately without twins.

Kelly said...

gab! i love you and your fun little life (although i'm sure it didn't feel very fun!) thanks for all the advice, i'll have to remember it!

Rochelleht said...

Oh, how many times have I been there! Minus the twins, but I can't emphasize enough that more than one of my children can count double

I do everything I can to avoid taking extra children to the doctor. That receptionist is bizarre. Who else is bizarre? Our ped. neurologist who ALSO doesn't like children! Or seems to have never seen a mentally disabled child before. HUH?

Annie said...

That was hilarious. Oh, the joys. I'm glad it ended up working in your favor, though!

Gramafolly said...

I remember Mom taking me to the Doctor and when I heard he was going to give me a shot, I crawled under a little cart that held medical supplies. I remember mom being really mad and the doctor wasn't all that nice either. Gabi- you have such a fun way of making nightmarish things that happen really funny. Keep the sense of humor.

Mique said...

I hear ya...I love reading your stuff- the writing is always so clever........but yah, been there, done that (minus the twins). They all know us when we walk into the pyschiatrist office- uh oh, here THEY come again. Do they really think I want to be there? But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

lainakay said...

Appointments with multiple children are a nightmare! Luckily I have family around so I usually have a babysitter for the non-patients! The times that I do have to bring more than one child I am so distracted! I totally identify with the "desperate-sweaty-mother look!" And the "By myseff..." and well... everything!

Marci Leishman said...

Gabi - I love your blog! You are so hilarious - and a great writer! It has been awesome to hear what is going on with you and your cute little family. I loved seeing you this summer! We need to keep in touch better!

mama jo said...

what pills did they give you?

gab said...

No pills...I didn't take my own advice. They did give us the free 30-day trial, though!

Shaka said...

i remember some of those appointments. mine is 3 kids all different ages but we wash hands spin on the chair try to open all the cupboards etc.! lots of fun!

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