- Leave at 7:30 a.m. and drive through one and a half hours' worth of rush hour traffic.
- Feed said child a sack breakfast in the car--strawberry cream cheese bagel, juice box, grapes...or other foods with high sugar content.
- Take two three-year-olds along, too. (The importance of this step cannot be overstated...if you don't have twins, borrow some!)
- Get lost at least once on your way to the medical complex.
- Make sure the doctor's office is on the second floor and that an elevator ride is required. Encourage children to fight over who pushes the outside button, who pushes the inside button and who gets to stand by the window.
- Enter the office in a fit of screams, shoves and general hysteria resulting from elevator escapades.
- Spend 10 minutes digging through your purse to find insurance card while your children fight exuberantly over waiting room toys. (Most helpful if the receptionist has no sense of humor and hates children.)
- Make three trips to the bathroom. Remember three-year-olds like to do things, "By myseff..." Don't allow too much extra time, or you will lose that desperate-sweaty-mother look before you see the doctor.
- Enter teeny, tiny examination room with all three children. If the room contains a small, kid-level sink and a computer accompanied by a rolling chair your job will be much easier.
- Graciously accept offer of gigantic tub of Legos. These will be very helpful in providing essential background noise as the children drop them from the tabletop onto the cold tile floor.
- Spend 30 seconds talking to the doctor. The rest of the appointment should be spent pulling children out of the sink, picking up fallen Legos and re-rolling the paper liner for the examining table.
Once you have completed the previous steps, the doctor will quickly give you the desired Rx for increased meds. She may even throw in a 30-day free sample if one of the children is willing to make animal sounds and start thumping his siblings with the "reflex hammer."
See? Mission accomplished...
*Note: Next time, try bursting into tears mid-way through the appointment. She may throw in a little "bonus" prescription for you!