I Know Why It's Called Fat Tuesday

Things I do not want to eat when it's cold, snowy and my kids have been home from school for six days:

cottage cheese

high fiber cereal

grapefruit

lettuce

hard boiled eggs

rice cakes

baked chicken breasts with a squeeze of lemon over a bed of salad greens

Things I want to eat when it's cold, snowy and my kids have been home from school for six days:

Mountains of spaghetti with homemade sauce, accompanied by garlic bread that's crusty outside and bleeds butter when you bite into it.

Chocolate pudding. The kind you cook on the stove and top with real whipped cream.

Beef stew and my mother-in-law's buttermilk cornbread -so sweet it could be birthday cake- slathered with satiny honey butter.

Giant bowls of spicy taco soup topped with an inch of melted cheese and a hearty dollop of full-fat sour cream. A generous fistful of cornchips crumbled on top.

Basically anything warm, creamy or dripping with butter.

Thank heavens for baggy sweaters and puffy vests.

Overheard in the Kindergarten Classroom

Gap-toothed little boy, showing me a crayon rendering of his family home, "This is my room, this is the baby's room, this is my mom's room."

Then, pointing below the green spiky grass, "And this is my dad's room. He has his own room in the basement. It has a brown rug."

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Me, helping a little cutie shop for valentines at the school store, "Ok. You have one for your mom, one for your dad and one for your aunt. Now, your list says you need to buy one more. For your grandpa."

Li'l Cutie: "I don't think he wants a valentine. He's dead."

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Precocious kid wearing Star Wars tee, "My mom used to have a job. Now she is retired. She doesn't do anything."

Pink-Headband Girl sitting across table, "Yeah. My mom doesn't do anything either. Except go shopping."

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Scary food for thought: What do the twins say when I'm not there?

Overheard

Tomorrow is my turn to plan a Seminary game. I turn to my spouse for creative inspiration. "Hey Brad," I ask. "What was your favorite thing to play when you were a seminary student?"

Without hesitation, he says, "Spin the Bottle."

Not surprising. Not helpful either.

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Sam at dinner table, "Ewwww. Do NOT get your eyeball juice on me again, Emmie!"

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A little brother with a secret is a dangerous thing. Luke helped me pick out a surprise DVD to watch on our Thanksgiving roadtrip. Of course, he could not contain his excitement and started giving broad hints to his oldest brother.

"OK, OK! I'll just give you the first two letters.... U and P."

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In line, at the H1N1 vaccination station, I heard a kindergartner mention my twins to his mom. I couldn't see him pointing, but I knew he was talking about us.

"Look, Mom!" he said. "Those boys are twins and they ride my bus. That one is the nice one. And that one is the mean one."

For the record, so far, nobody has 'fessed up to being the Mean One.

But I have my suspicions.

In Praise of Monday Morning

The best-kept secret of motherhood is Monday morning.

After a whole weekend of soccer games, Pet Pals club, play dates, Chuck-E-Cheese, errand running, Sabbath "resting" and family togetherness...Monday morning is my return to sanity.

I put the big kids on the bus, the little kids in front of Caillou, turn on my podcasts and then I'm on my own.

With 700 lbs. of dirty laundry, of course.

The thing is, I don't really even mind emptying wastebaskets, folding laundry and scrubbing the kitchen floor. On a Monday morning, it's my time. (As opposed to Saturday family chore time which I know is important, but let's face it, can be agonizing.)

I sort my thoughts as I separate the darks and whites. I scrub a grubby corner of the pantry and let my mind tackle a tricky scheduling dilemma. I wipe fingerprints off the glass door and resolve to improve parenting mistakes. It's Monday! A fresh start!

I learned early in my stay-at-home career that it was best to keep Monday's AM calendar square relatively clear. No doctor's appointments, no swimming lessons, no obligations. The foundation I lay Monday morning sets the tone for the entire week. And if I can get my house pulled back together, I feel a whole lot better about me, too.

The dryer is beeping. Is there anything better than fresh, warm towels? Or is that just me?

Enjoy your Monday, friends!

Multiple Choice

The reason my Kleenex consumption has doubled this week:

• A--Extremely hostile sinus infection.
• B--Seminary starts next week...no more sleeping in.
• C--Single-parenting + the last week of summer vacation = Not pretty.
• D--My babies are going to kindergarten.
• E--All of the above.

Eyes on April

This month is a big one for spectating. Here are a few things we'll be watching...

• Ball games. Jake's, Em's and, of course, the NCAA Championships. Brad is ready to rip up his March Madness bracket worksheet. His picks have not fared well.
• I-95. As we drive north for Spring Break. Easter in Boston. Warm and sunny? Probably not. But we're excited anyway.
• General Conference. The trail mix is ready. The couch is ready. I am ready--for inspiration.
• The Kentucky Derby. A grown-ups only trip, courtesy of the new company. Brad will be watching the horses. I will be watching for celebrities in fancy hats.
• Ecclesiastical Excitement. We're getting a new Bishop at church. And the Relief Society President is moving. All you Mormons out there know this is much more exciting than any horserace. Too bad they don't pass out bracket worksheets. I've got my Final Four picks all ready...

A Few Bloomin' Items of Business

First things first:

Thanks to everyone who wrote in with your dieting/deepcleaning suggestions. I took them all to heart and am feeling a whole lot more motivated in all directions. Congrats to the three winners:

• Andrea--who suggested visualizing junk food as grease oozing on my counter. (Actually, Andrea...it's not too hard to visualize...there is plenty of oozing going on around here.) Andrea also gave me a bird's eye view of her organized afterschool routine. Helpful!
• Martha--who reminded me to "Eat real food. Not too much. Mostly vegetables." (It's working for Martha, I've met her in person. She's hot.)
• Melissa Mc--who still has a headache since giving up white sugar last month. (No worries, Melissa...I'm not sending any refined carbs in your prize package!)

Secondly:

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait until Friday? Now, I am a mom and the weekends are looming large. So many places to be. On time. In Webelos uniform/with a wrapped gift/ready for team picture day. It's enough to make me pine for a Monday morning.

Just this month on the weekend calendar: a bridal shower (at my house), a Broadway musical, Emmie's baptism & confirmation (out of town company coming to stay), the school Daddy-Daughter Winter Carnival (Decorations Committee) and last but not least--the PINEWOOD DERBY! (Luckily, I am allowed no where near the car. Thank heavens for the mechanically-gifted men in my life.)

I am truly looking forward to each event. I chose to take each one on. But seeing them packed so tightly on the calendar is hyperventilating me. (Please don't be offended if you have been invited to any of the above activities. YOU are not stressing me out. It just helps to write my thoughts down and read them back to myself. Think of it as cheap therapy.)

Thirdly:

My sister, Marta, made the cutest announcements for our favorite Valentine girl! Check them out here. If you need any cards, journals, gift-tags or other paperphernalia, go to martacards.com. She is quite amazing, if I do say so myself.

Good-bye, Good Riddance and a Good Giveaway

This January has not been my favorite. I was not sad to rip its messy page off my calendar. In fact, I'm quite happy to see it crumpled up and in the can. Smack. Smack. Smack. That is the sound of me dusting the last crummy bits of January off my hands. I'm ready to embrace short, sweet, heart-shaped February with gusto.

The problem with the whole month-long drama was that it completely distracted me from my two favorite January activities: deep-cleaning and dieting. I mean, usually, at this point in a new year, I have scoured my way through a whole mess o'closets and have already lost a few Christmas pounds--enough to fall off the wagon and make sugar cookies or something.

This week, I finally mustered the strength to face the filth in my pantry. It took three hours. By the time I had finished, the kids were watching unapproved tv and the whole house was trashed, but all 40 cans of Campbell's soup were lined up like perfect little soldiers and I remembered the sheer joy of creating order from chaos.

As for the dieting...still not feeling it, folks. Why does it have to be so hard? I exercise religiously. I spin, I lift, I run, I crunch. My blood pressure is low and my heart is strong. Still, I am more Build-a-Bear than Barbie as far as body types go. I know my eating could use some editing...but I don't want it to be a full-time job.

This is where I need your help, friends. Will you please write in with your favorite diet/healthy eating tip? Easy, cheap, and reality-based would be appreciated. And if you are one of those don't-hate-me-I-just-have-a-fast-metabolism types, you can send in your favorite home-organization idea. I need those too.

All participants' names will be dropped into my empty cookie jar and three winners randomly selected at week's end. A little gab-love will be sent just in time for Valentines Day. Thanks in advance for your participation. Swimsuit, here I come.

You Might Be Having a Snow Day if...

...your kids are riding a sled instead of a schoolbus.

...the laundry room looks like Land's End landfill.

...nothing is crossed off your beloved To-Do list.

...hot chocolate is consumed by the gallon.

>

...you run out of a household essential and find new joy in having a husband with a home office and four wheel drive.

...two words: carbo loading.

The Big Exhale

The week between Christmas and New Year feels like what the step-class instructor calls a deep cleansing breath. Mmmmmm....Ahhhhhh....Everything is unwrapped, unbuttoned and undone. All the secrets are out. The calendar is cleared and life is unstructured for a few days.

Brad is off all week and that is truly the best Christmas present ever. Already he and the boys have christened the new Christmas chainsaw, taking it in the back woods to harvest firewood from fallen trees. Ladies, when in doubt, buy your man a power tool. Not only does it bring out his rugged, masculine side--it also draws the children to him like moths to a flame, leaving you free to do important stuff like laundry and reading O magazine.

And speaking of reading, that is my holiday 12-step recovery program. I am going to read, read, read my way through the big stack of Christmas presents and library finds sitting on my nightstand. It has been months since I have read anything. Except the New Testament, of course --which is completely amazing. I love it. But sometimes I just want to read something a little less, well...Biblical, I guess. Something by John Grisham or Sophie Kinsella or some other light writer. Any recommendations?

And I'd Quit Waxing Too...

If I were a Mama Bear:

• I wouldn't be caught dead wearing spandex in a spin class.
• Listening to NPR every morning would not make me depressed.
• My cubs would not break into a mid-ride elevator fistfight because "It was my turn to push the button."
• I wouldn't know that the Chipmunk Song is CD 1/Track 3 in my car stereo. (And I wouldn't know all the words either.)
• There would be no OCD issues involving Christmas ribbon or gift tags.
• Two words: NO LAUNDRY

If I were a Mama Bear:

I would lumber around in my shiny fur coat, eating everything in sight to get nice and fat for winter. Then I would snuggle down with Papa and the cubs, ignore the dirt on the floor and sleep until April. Upon waking, I would be pleasantly surprised to find Christmas over and all put away, daffodils blooming and my body weight down thirty percent.

Who says these girls are brutal? Sounds highly civilized to me!

I'm Obsessed With...

...our newest backyard buddy!

Direct Quote

Me, trying to praise positive behavior : Thanks for the hug, sweetie! You are good at making people happy...

Twinkie, with a shrug and in most matter-of-fact tone : That's just because I'm a love machine.

p.s. Note the packing peanuts "snowstorm." Sometimes, my kids are very fortunate that a camera is the only thing I have to aim and shoot around here...

What do you do when....

...you are starting to feel like this because you have been single-parenting for days

...while your husband traveled to a place where he enjoyed some of this...

...and some of this?

This is what you do.

You plan a little weekend fun.

And you invite...

the uber-Oma

the cyber Stie

your quasi firstborn, Min, pregnant with your quasi firstgrandchild(!?)

your adorable sister, Heidi (who chooses to live blog-free)...but not her adorable husband

AND ALL OTHER SISTAS AND SISTAS-IN-LAW (who still have plenty of time to change their minds and buy a cheap ticket.

That's you...Amy, Candice and Anna!)

You get a hotel room here...

You buy tickets for this...

You put aside $$$ for this...
Oh, and don't forget...
Then you will have something to keep you smiling when your husband says, "Oh, yeah. Next week..."

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With Strings

...these are a few of my favorite things!

There have been February goodies bursting my mailbox all month long.

Thanks to everyone who has sent a little love to #1852...

good postal karma will be coming your way!

First, thanks to Natalie @ la vie en rose for her thoughtful travel swap package. I loved it and I wish I had your talent for making small things beautiful and unique!

Next, hugs to Holly...my new friend in Texas. Thank you for the "just because" care package. Mary Engelbreit and chocolate are the perfect combination. You made my day!

Thanks a million to the grandparents who made my birthday girl feel special all day long!

Brad--my TLA--red roses are the classiest Valentine ever. I love 'em. I love you!

And, best of all, Marta--loved your cute little Valentine package and can't wait to see the tiny little bundle you deliver this summer! A Minimin is definitely a special delivery.

And the winner is...

...still me!

Thanks to everyone for playing along in my Valentine Story Contest...Rochelle, I loved your husband bleeding for you. So romantic! Melissa, finding true love on V-day is amazing. What a great memory! (My parents had a similar Valentine's Day start.) Mique, I think it's great that your tough guy has a softer side! Annie, four different guys?! You hottie, you! Lisa-Marie, if you have another "Sugar Baby" nine months from now, we promise not to count backwards! And Mr. Unmighty (AKA--Incredible Hulk), let me just say your story was totally entertaining, if not completely believable.

I loved 'em all...thanks for sharing. But I still claim to have received the best valentine ever...


I'll post with the full story soon. Til then, here are a few hints:

• this Valentine was not given to me by my husband, but he enjoys it as much as I do.


• this Valentine is sweet and delicious, but 100% calorie-free.


• this Valentine is extremely fragile and beautiful, but I let my boys play with it every day.

Any guesses?

Target: It's Like Preschool, But It's Free...sort of...

Opting to save the double tuition and feeling stressed about meeting the requisite September potty-training deadline, I decided to keep the twins out of preschool this year. Instead of schlepping them off to fingerpaint, eat raisins and have circle time, I choose to make each day a learning adventure with Mom.

I am especially good at field trips.

Today's destination: Target.

Learning objective: Children will identify and understand principles of basic mechanical engineering.

To meet this objective, I drove past our boring-old-everyday-non-field-trip Target and pulled into the fancy Target 45 minutes away. My boys are quite enamored of this particular store since it has "magic stairs"...not just a regular escalator for people...

...but also a groovy "carts only" escalator!

They spent a good 25 minutes watching this. If Target ever wants to make even more money from poor unsuspecting moms like me, all they have to do is make a DVD of the cart escalator. Guaranteed bestseller with the under-5 male demographic.

Learning Objective: Children will practice independent hygiene skills.

Check.

(We haven't quite mastered the use-less-paper-save-the-earth objective...)

Learning Objective: Children will blend primary colors to make secondary colors.

Red ICEE plus white ICEE makes pink ICEE. Check.

Learning Objective: Children will practice table manners and sharing.

The boys did nicely sharing one ICEE and one pretzel between themselves.

Mom, however, showed signs of immaturity when asked for a sip of her soda. Maybe she needs more field trips...

Learning Objective: Children will demonstrate an ability to take turns and stand in line.

...and learn patience with the trainee cashier, and not throw tantrums when denied gum and packs of batteries, and not bash the woman in front of us (and her 2,800 coupons) with our bright red shopping cart...

Check. (Sort of)

Learning Objective: Children will learn math facts.

One trip to Target + one mom + two boys = a smaller bank balance

(But it's still cheaper than double tuition!!!)

Next week's learning adventure: TJ MAXX

January Thaw

Is it global warming? El Nino? Indian Summer? I don't care what it is but I love it!

It has been in the sixties for the past three days and we've been living like California beach bums.

The roofers are wearing shorts and t-shirts and big happy smiles.

(Can you imagine doing their job in the typical January chill?)

Yesterday, after dentists' appointments, I let the kids play hooky and took them to the park instead of back to school. It was just too beautiful to pass up the sunshine.

No coats. No jackets. Only rocks, water and dirt.

It was the perfect way to spend a sunny January afternoon!

Here's hoping the nice weather doesn't float away too soon!

Here's to a Fresh Start

Out with the old...

in with the new!

Wishing you a diet-sticking, daily exercising, Scripture-reading, closet-organizing, money-saving, family-loving, menu-planning, memory-making, good-deed-doing, new-skill-learning, gossip-avoiding, wise-time-using
NEW YEAR!!

Bedtime Story

If You Take a Preschooler to a Public Restroom
If you take a preschooler to a public restroom,

he's going to want to do it "by himseff."

When you let him go by himseff,

he'll probably touch every surface in the stall.

After he touches everything, he will realize he needs your help.

So he'll probably yell for you to come.

After you've helped him, he will want some "pwivacy".

When he's finished, he'll want some toilet paper.

He'll start flushing.

He might get carried away and flush everything he can find.

He may even end up flooding the floors as well!

When he's done, he'll probably be locked in the stall.

You'll have to coach him through the unlocking.

He'll finally crawl out along the sticky floor.

After he crawls out of the stall, he'll need to wash his hands.

So you'll lift him up to the sink.

He'll get so excited he'll want to turn the handle.

He'll use the cold and hot.

He'll pump the soap.

When the washing is finished, he'll want to dry his hands

with a paper towel.

When he looks for a paper towel, he might notice the paper towels are gone and he has to use the air dryer.

Looking at the air dryer will remind him that he's scared of loud noises.

So, he'll wipe his hands on his sticky sweatshirt.

After he dries his hands, he will want to hold yours and help open the heavy swinging door.

You'll walk out the door with him and pass the drinking fountain.

Looking at the drinking fountain will remind him that he's thirsty.

So...

he'll ask for a drink of water.

And chances are if he asks for a drink of water,

he's soon going to need to go back to the restroom!

*Illustrated by Felicia Bond*

*"If You... "series by Laura Joffe Numeroff*

*Potty version original to the gabblog*